y do i love him..

Why do I love him?
Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him, let alone explain why I love him. I don't believe the English language has all the words I would need.

Why do I love him? I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's the most natural and possible thing to do. I love him. I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life.

I love him because he's sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him because he's so cool he's hot. I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh. I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask.

I love him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates me for who I am. I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.

I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't. I love him for telling me not to drink too much alcohol, then pretending to be mad at me when I did drink too much.

I love him for telling me not to stay up too late at night because it wasn't good for my health. I love him for texting and sending me sweet and mushy messages. I love him for those times when he would call or text me just when I was thinking of calling or texting him, when I was feeling down, or when I was missing him, like he has gone psychic all of a sudden.

I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.

So, why do I love him? I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him because he's everything. He's everything...but MINE...

-aww.. nakita ko sa friendster.. tpos naisip ko ipost dito.. astig di ba..? di nga lang happy ending..
hmm.. parang ako.. haaaaaay.. ='(

This whole thing!!!

this whole thing is driving me crazy.. im getting so confused..

just put yourself in my case.. yeah, she's right.. i've made an entry before that made her look bad in a reader's point of view.. but that's what i felt then.. uhm.. now what???

a blog is free for everyone to read.. that's all..

i relly cant express myself right now.. my head is turning, my brain is having its worst tumble down of a lifetime!!! waaaaaaaah..

well then...

i'll just stop thinking about it.. i still know God knows what to do..

HE KNOWS WHAT'S RIGHT.. WHO'S RIGHT..

sorry to everyone that had been into trouble because of me.. "tao lang"-- no no.

Reminisce..

yan.. i had just looked upon my "sent messages" in friendster.. there were only two.. one for that special someone last year that i think is going through the muling ibalik drama of his life.. the other one was sent to marianne.. and i really wish i just didn't open that one..

oh, cool lang kayo..

the message was about peter kc.. yeah.. when you really think it's time to move on then there comes all the things and memories to haunt you and pull you back.. the thought of me and him talking just won't get out of my mind.. and you felt like really hating yoursefl because of reading this statement:

"hindi ko yun gagawin sayo.. maxado akongmabait para gawin sayo yun"

and looks below it to find this:

*sinabi nya yun nung sinabi ko na "sorry na.. kung gusto mo gawin mo kung ano yung ginawa ko sayo"

waaah.. and you really feel this guilt........ argssssshhhhh.. if i really did know that he's gonna be gone.. haaaaaaaaay......... i just miss him so much......... and God knows how sorry i am..

peter, though not all people look at him without much respect, is someone really important to me.. i think i reall y can't forget him na nga eh.. and you know, these sort of things are really embarassing to publish.. but at least, this is to equalize the humiliation i've caused.. argsh..

till my next post!ü

Cognizant..

aware.. hmm.. yeah.. tapos na ang retreat..

Intrams na nga eh..

matatapos na actually..

know what? i leraned a lot of thinga from the past retreat.. sobra..

thta activity strengthened my faith..

and it made me see a lot of things that i thought were missing in my life for a lot of years na.. pero yun pala, they weren't missing.. natabunan lang sila ng sarili kong mga takot..

the retreat made me appreciate myself.. haha.. "i am beautiful, i am loved.. i am forgiven.. by the mercy of God.."

dati, i don't believe myself.. ayun.. dati.. pero ngayon i do believe in me na.. kinda built up my confidence i think.. haha.. basta..

and na-appreciate ko yung mga bagay, mga tao, at mga nangyari sa buhay ko na sobrang dapat noon ko pa pinahalagahan..

lam nyo ba? i cried a lot.. naisip ko kc.. nakakapagsisi pala talaga.. isipin nyo na lang.. tingin ko ganun ko xa kamahal para gawin lahatng yun pero after reflecting.. nyaaahh.. sinisi ko rin yung sarili koh.. dalawang taon ang nasayang.. kung alam ko lang.. sinayang ko yung dalawang taon na yun not knowing na ganun lang pala kaikli yung time for me to show how much he means to me... ngayon wala na.. no chance.. la na xa eh.. hanggang sayang na lang ako.. haaaaay.. di kio ma-explain.. nakakainis.. nakakapanghinayang.. pero siguro, parusa saken to ni Lord.. KC AKO EH! TAKTE! i feel so bad.. now so worthless.. haaaaaay..

but i have to go on.. whatever happens.. i have to.. ok ok.. this is going nowhere na..

gotta go.. till my next post..

-ivy!ü

Nothing Mentioned..

hey, dun sa previous post ko, di ko sinabi kung sino yun ah.. nor did i give any physical descriptions na makakapag-sabi kung sino nga yung tao..

the entry was made to clear my name from whtaever is happening. haha.. basta.. hindi po ako nang-aaway.. bait bait ko eh.. i just wanna clear things out.. wala po akong ginagawang masama..

AMEN!

Don't Just Judge Me..

haay.. ngayon, may mga bagay akong liliwanagin..

To everyone na nakakaalam or nakaka-gets nito, just don't judge me agad.. explain ko muna, yung roommates thingie.. humahaba na yung story eh..

ganito ko kc yun, i was supposed to be olin and marianne's roommate kaso ngayon hindi na kc lumipat ako kina camille at glaiza..

iniisip nyo "wow, talk about being selfish" pero wait up guys, tingnan nyo muna.. oh, sasabihin nyo ang sama ko, pero no.. basahin nyo pa..

bkt nga ba ako lumipat kung napag-usapan na ang lahat?

iniisip ng marami

• kc selfish ako
• o kaya "agawan" kc
• masama kc ako
• pinagpapalit ko sila

ano pa? madami pa yata.. di ko lang alam.. lagay nyo na lang sa comments..
nyways, ano naman yung mga dahilan ko? eh kung habang binabasa nyo kaya ito eh nilalagay nyo ang sarili nyo sa posisyon ko? ano nga kaya.. eh..

• kc GUSTO ko
• kc kailangan
• kc gusto ko magenjoy sa retreat
• kc kulang pa sila camille
• kc masaya sila kasama
• ayan yung minor reasons.. pero bkt nga ba talaga?

kc ganito po yun.. nagkaroon po kc kmi ng alitan nung start lng ng school year.. eh yun.. sobra sobra kc yung mga nangyari non eh.. hindi ko alam kung bkt xa nagalit.. di lang sa akin kundi pati sa friends ko.. last yir pa yun ganun.. lgi na lng.. ako yung nakikipagbati.. tapos yun, kung anu-anong nangyari.. kung anu-ano ginawa nya.. backstab dito backstab dun.. eh kung kayo kaya?

ayon tuloy, nung nagkaayos kmi, naiilang na ko sa kanya.. parang napaplastikan ako sa sarili ko nung una pero mejo ok naman.. kaso, dati daw nagalit xa saken ng sobra dhl sa crush nya na dati kong kakalase.. sbi sa akin sa iba xa galit, sbi sa iba saken xa galit.. nakooo.. pero cge lang, ako pa rin na naman nakipagusap.. haaaaaaay.. taps madami pa nangyari.. ganun pala xa.. mga ugaling ngayon ko lang nakita, ngayon nya lang pinakita..

kaya nga, ngayon, kahit pilitin ko, HINDI KO NA KC KAYANG MAKASAMA XA NG MATAGAL.. NAIILANG AKO.. NAPAPLASTIKAN.. NATATAKOT NA BAKA NAGKUKUNWARI LANG XA..

bka sa ngayon, di nyo ko maintindihan.. pero sbi ko nga di ba? ilagay nyo ang sarili nyo sa lagay ko.. nahirap.. pramis.. lalo na kung may pinagsamahan kayo..

hindi ko talaga magets kung bkt ka ganyan.. kung totot kang kaibigan, bkt di mo ko kayang intindihin tulad ng pag-initndi ko sa'yo.. lagi na lang.. kahit gaano pa kahaba ang pasensya ng isang tao, kht gaano pa xa kabait.. may hangganan ang lhat.. iba nga lang siguro ang kahulugan ng pagkakaibigan para sayo.. kc para saken, friendship is shared.. you can never call a relationship friendship kung hinid ito na-iishare between individuals.. mahirap i-explain.. lalo na kung dito..

sabi mo wala kang pakialam pero nagagalit ka.. sabi mo anong pakialam ko, eh saken ka galit di ba? sabi mo hindi ako tunay na kaibigan, pero sino nga ba talaga? sinasabi mong tanggap mo ang mga napapansin ng tao sayo, pero bkt ka nagagalit?
ang pagkakaibigan hindi magiging pagkakaibigan kung ipinagdadamot ito..
madaming nagmahal sayo, at patuloy PA RIN SANANG NAGMAMAHAL sayo ngayon.. kung hindi mo lang sana.. kung inisip mo lang sana..
sa mga tao jan..

fave song koh.. hehe..ü

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

please mga tao, intindihin nyo po ako, at wag husgahan agad...... salamat..ü